Why?

I was thinking about why. I nice simple little word, right? Well, did you ever wonder why the word "abbreviation" was such a long word? Did you ever wonder how the word "IF" contains enough to fill infinity? Did you ever comprehend how much damage the word "I" has caused? But...did you ever wonder why?

Why do I live? Simple answer: to glorify God.

So then...Why do I so often turn my efforts to other things? Why do I forget what self-sacrifice is? Why do I spend time on things that don't matter? Why do I fail to see the ramifications of my actions? Why do I treat other people better than those I love most? Why do I question God? Why do pant for water when I know where to find the stream? Why am I restless when I know where to find rest? Why?

I'm a sinful human, who is proud and selfish, and wants to do my own things more than give it up for someone else. But I forget that. It easy to forget that, because it doesn't feel nice to remember it. It seems easier to be self-confident than to trust (Wrong). It seems easier to forget about others in my own pursuits (The consequences always come). It seems easy to forget about important things (When in all reality they're nagging at me the whole time). It seems like I could be glorifying God better doing something else (Wrong again). The response is to glorify Him where I am. It's hard sometimes, you know. To give up me, self, I. So when I know, when I have experienced His grace time and again, when I know the results of laying it down to serve Him, why do I still not do it?

Because it's hard, and it hurts. To really die to self, to really trust, to really actually serve out of love, is to rely on God. All the way. It is completely anti – self. Yup. It's sacrifice. It is against human nature, and it's just plain hard. But you know, it's worth it. But I tend to forget that to. I wrote about grace once...

“Truly, I deserve no grace!!! But I couldn't believe that I was actually feeling that way. It really terrified me. I understood all of a sudden my depravity to a new level. I felt a tremendous hopelessness, weakness, smallness, insignificance, worthlessness. A deep hopelessness that was simply, terribly, hopeless. In that moment when I felt really actually like I belonged in hell, something happened. I was so hopeless that God became hope. I was so weak that he became almighty. I was so small that he became everything. I was so helpless that He became almighty sovereign. I was so worthless that He became priceless. I understood God. I understood His grace. When I was drowning, he lifted me and turned His loving gaze upon my face, and I said, simply, with all His heart, “I love you.” How? How could He? I don't know, because he created me? That's not enough. I don't know how or why. I only know He did. Well, in God's arms, cradled in His immensity and strength, you understand who He is, you see His character. And when you see God, you understand. I understood Him. I knew that in my helplessness, in my heart-hearted hate, He was setting me free.”

So yeah. Interesting stuff. People tell me I think to much...but I do wonder why? When I know the answer, when I know what I need to do, why don't I do it?